Personal Psalm

A few months ago, I was challenged to write my own psalm of remembrance. It was supposed to be an exercise of praise, worship and discovery, but because I have to know EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING before I can start ANYTHING, I researched it and over analyzed it, wrote a bunch of things that made little to no sense at all. I started thinking it wasn't for me. Then after reading through the Psalms and spending time in prayer about what it is I needed to remember, I started writing things down. I was surprised at how freely it came, and while it's not quite poetry or even really a psalm, I think I accomplished the goal.

I remember walking close
I could feel your warmth
I could hear your voice
I knew your presence

I remember peace in chaos.
I remember joy in trial.
I remember purpose in the mundane.
I saw you everywhere.

I knew you.
I knew me.
I knew where I was headed.
The future was bright.

I remember walking away.
I could feel the cold creep in.
Your voice got lost in the silence.
I chose the cold because I couldn’t face the pain.

I remember forgetting.
Forgetting your peace.
Forgetting your purpose.
Forgetting the future you ordained for me.

Everywhere I looked I saw gray.
In each sunrise I saw pain.
In every moment I felt hopelessness.
I didn’t want to think about the future.
I didn’t want to think about you.

I remember darkness.
I remember cold.
I remember numbness.

I felt no pain.
I felt no joy.
I felt no purpose.
I felt no hope.

I remember falling apart.
I remember the voices of your people, praying, encouraging, crying over me.
I could feel you using them to pull me out of the darkness.
Slowly I chose to reach out.
Slowly I began to reach up.

I remember feeling the first ray of light on my face.
I remember gaining warmth with every step.
I could hear your voice again.
I heard you calling me out.

Back to your presence.
Back to your peace.
Back to your joy.
Back to your purpose.

I remember facing the pain.
I remember facing my sin.
I remember facing You again.
I remember heartache like I’ve never known before.

In this sorrow I found repentance.
I found hope.
I found life.
I found the real me.
I found my way again.

Keep me walking close.
Never let me walk away.
Show me how to bask in your warmth.
Teach me to listen to your voice.
Show me how to embrace your presence.

So I can once again have peace in chaos.
Joy in trial.
Purpose in the mundane.

I remember you.
Never let me forget.